Want to get through to a commissioner? Try a wormhole, or call Hal

To the Editor:
Recently, a strange phenomenon occurred in Boca Grande. Some people thought that it was a prank or a bad joke perhaps, but witnesses say otherwise. Some of the people involved were County employees who stated “they were told by the beach front gods that various benches, chairs, tables and planters must be removed from public property.” When asked why, they were told that people were spending too much time sitting around and talking.
Believe it or not, this was witnessed by a group of visiting aliens who said that their purpose was to go around the universe doing good things. They were very disturbed when they were told that resting and talking were not considered by earthlings to be beneficial pursuits. One of the members of this alien group happened to be a long-time resident and close friend to the island and it’s people. Some people refer to him as a pink gas pump, but people who truly know him and talk to him on a regular basis say his name is Hal. Unfortunately, in all the commotion, Hal was left behind when the spaceship departed.
But these aliens have methods of taking revenge even though it’s contrary to their peace-loving ways. They are universally known for their ability to transport buildings from one place to another. So in exchange for Hal being left behind, they removed the Lee County Court House from Fort Myers to Mars.
When asked how people were supposed to contact their County government, they said their method of communication was via wormholes. However, the aliens have generously offered to transport complaints and any other interested citizens to Mars for the hearings, subject to Hal’s approval.
Robert Johnson
Boca Grande